It was a terrible week

This past week was a terrible week.

Firstly, I had a difficult delivery of my precious twins (read: my 2 mailers). I spent many many hours with the gynae and nurses (read: production agency and agents) and finally after many prolonged hours of labour, finally my twins were born.

Then, the doctor (read: publishing house) discovered that there was something mortally wrong with both my twins (read: huge huge gigantic errors) and needed immediate surgery (read: error correction).

To me.. I wished only for a clean death at that point in time. And to top things off, my husband (read: the little boss) was so angry that nothing could be said... I totally felt like a fool.... It was like people around you kept telling you that you must take care of the babies.. don't do stupid things, make sure they are healthy.. and there I was going "yes, I know" and then blaming yourself when your babies are born with a hole in their hearts.

Yes, it's that bad... My little boss wasn't kidding when she said, "this is your baby, take it and own it!"

People around me were rather nice about it. I got phonecalls, all kinds of help, hugs etc.. but still, the pain was mine and mine alone to bear. Because honestly, there is no one else to blame but myself when my babies were discovered to be in mortal danger, simply because I was careless.

Stayed back at work until 12 midnight that day to solve the whole issue. And when it was finally solved, I thought "yay! it's over and done with!!!" and then turns out it was not.. For this, I shall not elaborate.. sensitive issue..

Sigh.. all's well that ends well so people would tell you... Yes it is finally over... but then.. sob sob.. I live forever with the pain that I am the sole person to blame for the misfortune of my twins. I can hardly bear it knowing that I caused them to be handicapped singlehandedly then they could be perfect.

No doubt, when there is an error, it is never 100% the fault of a single person. It is really easy to push the blame around, but it will always take 2 hands to clap.. Why? Because even if one person is careless, if the other was stringent in checking, then the errors would be discovered long ago.. But then, life is like that.. sometimes we get too trusting of others, so when the person you trust betrays that trust, you'd wish you had checked harder.

Little boss tells me that she can hardly go to sleep once she discovers an error... I know she wonders how I manage to even blink over this. But as I have said, this error is mine and mine alone.. I don't blame anyone but myself..